Into the hills (Part 1) - Apocalypse Survival

The bombs are flying, the cities are rampant with COVID and looting. Everyone who isn’t dead is fighting amongst themselves for the last bit of bottled water, canned food, and toilet paper. What do you do? Well, if you’re not a multi-millionaire who’s prepped an underground fallout bunker with mountains of TP and mounted machine gun turrets, don’t worry - you’ve still got a chance. It’s time to make a run for the hills. Let’s start things off on a hypothetical scenario. You wake up, crawl out of bed, get a cup of joe and turn on the news. It’s not even a real broadcast, just bright multicolored lines with the words “Nationwide State of Emergency” posted over top with a constant, high pitched whine. Cue the explosions. For the sake of simplicity (and unfortunate reality - sorry guys), we’ll say you are alone. No dog, no significant other, and no kids to worry about. What’s your plan?

1. Be prepared

Step one, and arguably the most important one that should be completed way, waaaay in advance of the dropping bombs. That’s right, as the singing mountain goat in my childhood favorite, Hoodwinked, suggests, Be Prepared. When it comes to survivability in any situation, there are 2 factors that trump all. Being prepared, and being adaptable. We’ll focus on the former for now.

So, how can one be prepared for the apocalypse? Well, for the uber prepared, they’ve got a bunker with water filters, canned food, an animal farm, some little guns, some big guns, and 30 years worth of tanked oxygen. Unfortunately for us, we are nowhere near that prepared, nor are we able to obtain any of that in the first place (cue sad music as I look at the single hot pocket in my freezer). At the very least though, we need to be marginally prepared, hence the creation of this checklist. In the case of apocalypse survival, being prepared means being able to reach sustainable safety in the shortest time possible. Thus, our strategy is based on three factors:

Pay close attention, because every other step is dependent, one way or another, on your level of preparedness.

2. Should I stay or should I go now

You’d think that the correct answer in an article titled “Into the Hills” would obviously be to go. However, that’s not always the case. It’s not just “should I stay or should I go”, it’s “should I stay or should I go now”. Small difference with big implications. So, what do we have to consider here?

Right now, you’ve probably got a solid roof over your head, a bit of food in the fridge, and a sturdy door with locks. Congratulations! You’ve successfully survived the apocalypse! Until you run out of food and water. Or until the toilet paper craving mob reaches your door . Or until the bombs start dropping from above. So should you hightail it straight for the hills? You make it two blocks before it starts to rain, and you realize you’re now out in the open, no shelter, no food and water, and no way to defend yourself.

The point I’m trying to make here is that we need to consider the trade off between immediate safety, and long term safety. Staying in a collapsing apartment won’t bode well for you, but neither will running panicked and butt naked into the streets. The deciding factor here is how much time you have before sh*t goes sideways, because that’s the amount of time you have left to prepare.

3. One bag to rule them all

So now you’ve got some time to prepare for your departure. Make sure the oven’s off, feed your goldfish, delete that browser history. Now that’s taken care of, it’s high time you figure out what you’re going to need to bring with you to make it out of the apocalypse alive. Cue, the bug-out-bag (BOB).

So where does the magical bag come from? Well, the idea itself is military in origin. On occasion, troops would be required to mobilize quickly to avoid being overrun, and would be directed to “bug out”, where they would take the bare necessities needed to survive in the field, ditching or destroying what was left for the enemy. Thus, the bug-out-bag was born - a bag packed with all your bare necessities for getting to and staying out in the hills. (For a more detailed look at what gear we recommend for your own bug-out-bag, click insert link)

Here’s a quick list of what we’d expect to see in your bug-out-bag:

• Backpack (duh)

• Outdoor knife

• Paracord (30 feet)

• Metal water bottle

• Emergency blanket

• Waterproof jacket

• Fire starter

• Basic First Aid Kit

• Flashlight

• Duct tape

You’ll notice that these really are geared towards shelter, warmth, and hydration, things you’ll die quickest without (not including zombies, blunt force trauma, explosions and other pointy objects). A quick reminder to everyone that the average person will last up to 30 days without food. Ideally, the items in your bug-out-bag will assist you in obtaining food as well. That being said, we’re not suggesting that you should just get your bug-out-bag and go. The bug-out-bag should definitely be your first priority, but if you’ve got the time and space for it, do consider other less essential items that might assist you. Remember, by preparing your bug-out-bag in advance, you’ll be able to get to safety much faster.

So far, we’ve covered our first three steps towards surviving the apocalypse. Being prepared, figuring out whether to stay or go (now), and figuring out what you should bring. We’ll be capping this off here for now, but look forward to Part 2, where we’ll be covering getting out of town, and finding the ideal place to settle down. You’ll find that these steps are just as important when it comes to running away from your problems - I mean apocalypse. In the meantime, feel free to start building up that bug out bag. Also, feel free to email us here at welcometotheark@outlook.com, for any topic requests for upcoming content! Until then my friends, stay frosty, and more importantly, stay alive.

CAPTAIN - OUT

Part 2